So, today is Tuesday, September 11th, 2012. Exactly 11 years since the collapse of the World Trade Center. I remember that building. I remember being on it. I was less than a year old. At the top, looking down into the city. I remember. With my grandmother, who had come to visit me from Athens, Greece. The year was 1980 around December. Today, I decided I was going to try my longest meditation. I normally meditate for about 15-20 minutes on a daily basis. But today, for the respect of the unawareness and events that took place on this day, I would attempt 105 minutes of silent meditation. 105 minutes. That’s about the length of a movie. Why 105 minutes? I wanted to take a moment to send a wave of positivity and love at times when things felt unsure. I wanted to end my meditation at the point of final determination that a great shift had definitely come into fruition. According to the 9/11 timeline from wikipedia, the attacks began and finalized between 8:46 a.m. – 10:28 a.m. on Tuesday, September 11, 2001.
“8:46:30 Flight 11 crashes at roughly 466 mph (790 km/h or 219m/s or 425 knots) into the north face of the North Tower (1 WTC) of the World Trade Center, between floors 93 and 99….10:28:22: The North Tower of the World Trade Center collapses.” 105 minutes.
So, this morning I began. I closed my eyes and began sending love to the people that are still experiencing the after effects of this event. I sent love to the people that I see on a regular basis momentarily in my mind. I tried to stay in the present moment as much as possible, but it would shift. I would think about a song that unfolded into a new melody line. Stop. Direct yourself to a positive affirmation, Alexander. Positive Affirmation: I invite the presence of love in the form of my passion. I am willing to change. I let go of the past. I started to think about what had happened to me this past week and how prednisone had affected my thoughts. So many thoughts and feelings rushed in. Relationships. Shifts. Unawareness. Awareness. Suicide. Unawareness. Awareness. I go back to the moment where I was in the emergency room just a week ago trying to figure out why my face had an allergic reaction. It morphed me considerably. Doctors still couldn’t figure out if it was poison Ivy but it was definitely something fungal. I remembered laughing next to Stephanie later that night as she told me that I should make a comment that this is what happens when you eat at Mcdonalds. It clicked. I took a picture and posted it on instagram, displaying the full vulnerability of my face. Friends thought I was using a facemorphing app when they saw it. Others couldn’t believe I ate at Mcdonalds. I didn’t. Others thought I still had a cute pudgy face. Friends sent hope for a quick recovery. Stop. Focus. Meditation. Go back to this moment, Alexander. Here I am, on the morning of 9/11 focusing on the past. I retreat back to affirmations that I was saying to myself when I was in the emergency room. Affirmations: I lovingly protect myself with thoughts of Joy and Peace. The past is forgiven and forgotten. I am free in this moment. I am powerful, safe, and secure. All is well. I take a moment to thank Louise Hay for her guidance. I think about the current book I’m reading, “Healing the Shame that Binds You” by Robert Bradshaw. So much information rushes in. Feelings of insecurity. I let go. Time sits still. And then…I feel the need to go to the bathroom. I mean, my morning poop is calling. Stop. I think about surrendering to the moment completely. I envision myself without a body. Just my head. I cannot move. I choose to sit still and take it in. I remember a time after yoga where I just finished practicing and am sitting in Lotus position. Sweat is pouring down from my forehead to the tip of my nose. And the sweat drip stays…and lingers…and clings on to the tip…until…release. I surrender to the moment. The urge to go to the bathroom subsides. I sit still. And then…Lord Corduroy (my cat) comes prancing around and brushes my ankle. I open my eyes for the first time since closing them at 8:46. It’s 9:53 am. I close them quickly and thank my eyes for the ability to see. The forestry outside my place looked so pure. So amazonian. Stop. Back into meditation, Alexander. I sat there, listening to my cat climb up to the piano bench in front of me. And then…I hear him fall into a deep sleep…his nose starts whistling. I let out a slight giggle. Puts me right into the present moment. I pause to reflect on myself and think about how great it feels to be in this body doing this. I start looking into my closed eyelids. I envision circular flares of blue with an abyss black background. I start feeling myself going into the universe. Floating amongst the stars. Everything around me is silent. So blissful. So loving. The nothingness feels so whole. So complete and everlasting. Corduroy’s nose whistle fades…I feel as if I’m drifting into sleep, but I still see these circular flares, glowing and mesmerizing me, knowing that the light on the outside of my eyelids are dancing. An affirmation enters my thoughts: I am free in this moment. I let go. And then suddenly…the ringtone of apple’s iphone harp sound begins to softly bring me back to reality. It’s 10:28am. The moment is now. I thank myself for this moment. I bless my surroundings. I get up, and I go poop.